Going strong....not

A little blog entry to remind myself....

Easter Sunday. Went for service, and felt that there was something God wanted to tell me. The moment they flashed the scenes of Jesus' sacrifice, my eyes turned watery and to quote Lynn, the tap was spoilt. Then came altar call.

Felt a prompting to go for it, though I cannot exactly explain it. As I walked forward, I could not help but cry. The moment I knelt down at the altar, there went the tap. Bawled uncontrollably, and my pastor placed his arms around me and told me, "Son, it's ok."

That did it. Totally wrecked by sobs. I could not explain it, except that it had been a while since I totally let go and let the Holy Spirit speak to me. Upon reflection, I realised there are some areas in my life I have to work on. Since the beginning of the year, I have not 'let go and let God' in many aspects of my life. Honestly, I guard my independence fiercely. I tend to rely myself a lot, and the idea of not being in control of my own life and destiny absolutely freaks me out. I know, O ye of little faith.......

So I figured there have been quite a few situations where, in my quest to control my life, I became rather wilful and headstrong, somewhat unteachable. And it was a good time to remind me that I ought to rely on Him and not on my own strength. Even now, there's this issue that I hold close to my heart. As much as I have supposedly 'surrendered' the outcome to Him, I realise I tend to 'de-surrender' ever so often.

Need to work on this more......but still it was a good Easter. Cos I heard Him loud and clear that He still loves me, despite my headstrong wilfulness.