With a thankful and humble heart overflowing with gratitude

Right-o....the title of this entry says it all. When I first embarked on establishing my career, fresh out of university, I had lofty ideals and ambitions. I had set my sights on a few career options - banking (by virtue of the degree I hold), broadcast journalism and even being a radio jock. That was also about the time I embarked on my Christian faith. Believe me, in retrospect, it was one amazing experience. Application letters that I had sent out were met with favourable responses, but surprisingly, one by one the doors that were opened were closed right in my face. In the end, I had to put to rest my dreams of broadcast journalism or being a hot-shot lawyer. The only option left to me then was to work in a bank. I had prayed it through, and the one affirmative answer I had received through my prayers was a career in a bank.

Not that I should be complaining, but I had felt indignant about it. Why? I had felt a banking career was simply because of my degree. And I was not too happy about having to work with numbers day in and day out. Truth be told, when I was in university, I made sure I aced my Finance, Statistics and Accounting papers. Prior to that, when told to pick our specialisation, I had picked Finance. All these had stemmed from a determination to prove that I was not, and am not, a dunce at Mathematics. My A-level grades for Mathematics were dismal and pathetic, and I figured I had to prove to myself that I am capable of handling numbers. Not being cut out for Physics and Engineering, I can deal with....however, not excelling in Mathematics was a different matter. Anyway, I managed to ace the papers, and graduated. So into my job hunt.

As I recounted the trials and tribulations I had undergone in the search of the right role-fit for me to friends who are encountering the same issue, I realised it had taken me 2.5 years to find that one area I can excel in. And now I can even understand why I was able to share so openly about my experiences with my friends....simply to encourage them and build them up.

Even then, I still had hopes of cracking into the 'elite' areas in the banking industry. The fact that private banking is 'exploding' in growth, or that risk management is the next 'IT' area contributed to my 'wanderlust'. I was entertaining notions of making a switch to these areas, just so that I can be in the 'glamourous' roles in the bank. As much as I have the gift of the gab, I am not the kind who likes to pander to others' whims and fancies, so that pretty much rules out sales jobs (and private banking is also sales to a large extent). Then with risk management, there is the issue of numeracy. I had already proven to myself that I can do Finance, but I do not really enjoy it much. The whole idea of having to face Excel spreadsheets for the rest of my career, especially when I had some exposure to it working in Financial Control in my previous role, and having to crunch numbers daily, is enough to make me cringe and shudder. In addition, I figured I will probably be mediocre in these areas, so there's really no point. So yes, I have settled on the area within the banking industry I can grow and develop a career in.....and I am going to make the best out of it.

Really thank God for His blessings in my life, career-wise. Granted it took me 2.5 years to find out the area I like, and can do well in (and not to say not getting promoted because I was hunting for that role-fit), but I am so glad I can finally say I am settling into my role in Compliance and that it is an area I can see myself in. In fact, I am going to pursue professional qualifications that will aid me in my career development. So yeah, this entry is to remind me of His blessings in my life.

Over-promised, under-delivered....YEUUCH!! Scheizer

The alarm in my watch sounded at 6.30 am on a Saturday morning.....and I dragged myself out of bed to get ready to 'pump up' the economy of a neighbouring country for a trip to view 'fireflies'.

Well, en route to the gathering point, the contact lense in my left eye popped out, so I decided to be 'gung-ho' and removed the other one in my right eye. Figured I'd rather be short-sighted than to go about with vision like an one-eyed Jack. Boarded the bus and trundled along the route for my day excursion. I was beginning to feel the effects of not having near-perfect vision, and having Jacq casually mentioning the effects of Lasik surgery didn't help either.

Thank goodness the coach stopped at a shopping mall after breakfast. From the exterior, it was none too impressive. Step inside, however, and it was a different story altogether. Boutiques of mid-priced brands were lined up one after another. I made a beeline for the optician, and managed to get a pair of daily disposable contacts. With my vision restored, I thought it would be a good excursion, or so I thought.

Lunch was a miserable affair. In the itinerary, we were 'promised' seafood lunch with crab. I certainly didn't see any crab. Then we made our way to a fruit farm. Everything was ho-hum. Dinner was worse, as the 'promised' lobster dinner became crabs. Albeit crustacean, but the point is that lobsters and crabs aren't exactly in the same league.

Fireflies were quite a sight. My main grouse, and believe you me, it is so cringe-worthy, is the toilets. Really, the TANDAS is super AWANG. Tandas = toilet and Awang = smelly in Malay. In fact, smelly doesn't quite cut it. Jacq and I were cringing all over the place everytime a trip to the loo was needed. I don't even want to think about it. Compared to this, the mosaic-tiled toilet of the hotel room I had in Auckland seemed like a luxury.

The title says it all.....I think I am so not cut out for missionary work in countries without proper and clean toilets. Will probably die from holding in all the toxins unless I absolutely have to go. Ask me how I cope during my field camps in army? The muesli bars issued as part of the rations were good at 'inducing' constipation. Go figure..

Touch Kidz is R.E.A.L!!!

All right, the title for the entry is a no-brainer. In fact, I should be glad I am not being sued for plagiarism or something. I 'volunteer' at the kids' ministry in my church, and it's called Touch Kidz, so there.

Now, pray tell, what gives for this entry? I was ruminating on the sequence of events that had taken place in the span of 6 months, and I am really thankful for the opportunity to serve God in an area I have a calling, or so I'd like to think. Sometime late last year, there was an altar call which I went for, wondering which ministry I could best serve Him in. So there I was, and the next thing I knew, I felt a calling to serve in the kids ministry to teach Sunday school. It so happened that I have a few good friends in the ministry then, so it made the assimilation process slightly easier.

Believe me when I say I am never one who jumps at the chance to drag myself out of bed super-duper early on Sunday. It was something Jacq mentioned that I'd slowly get used to - something I was sceptical at first, but now I am ok with it.

Through this 6-month period, it was my bunch of boisterous kids (yes they give me a splitting headache once too often at the very beginning, and I always had to yell at them) who kept me grounded. Even on occasions when I felt like changing churches, it was my sense of responsibility towards them that made me hang on and work through some of the doctrinal issues I had.

Somehow, my leaders at the kids ministry seem to think I have some 'anointing' to be hauled up on stage every once so often to participate in some play, rah-rah event etc. And funnily enough, I don't really mind. But the best bit I have to say, is that I know I really care about the bunch of boys under my charge. I see in each one of them different traits of myself when I was young (to think my group is one of the most boisterous, I shudder to think what a terror I must have been in my childhood), and even for some other boys I thought I'd have problems with, I am gradually able to really learn the meaning of loving the unlovable.....

Hmmm, now I shall start 'plotting' to see which are the ones I would like to keep with me, and which other boys I can 'poach'.....ha ha

Back to R-I-O-T!!!

No sooner had I leapt off the bandwagon of swinging singles than I rejoined it in double-quick time. Come to think about it, I've always done things via the 'accelerated' route, but this was a tad too speedy even for my taste. Then again, I've never been one to shy away from 'biting the bullet' if I had to, so I called off an 'accelerated' relationship when too many issues surfaced that I felt could not be worked out.

I confess that patience has never been my strongest suit....and this utter lack of patience has landed me in hot soup once too often, which I have been 'blessed' enough to get out of unscathed. However, this episode only served to make me understand myself more, and exactly what I am looking out for. As they say, what won't kill you makes you stronger. I second that totally.

After a fair bit of soul-searching (lest some of my friends think I am an emotionless robot that had severed my connection to my heart and use mainly my head), I have come to realise that these are the traits I am looking for:

1. Christian (But of course!!)

2. Secure in her identity and in Him (very, very important!!!)

3. Independent and comfortable with giving herself and me space (very important!!)

4. Say what you mean, mean what you say

5. Not prone to using sarcasm or uncalled for diatribes in situations when I don't even know why or how she is unhappy (put it this way, I don't take kindly to "uncalled for' sarcasm)

Lest anybody think I am a narcissistic and conceited self-absorbed jerk, I so am not. It's just that this episode had reinforced in me the 5 'qualities' above that I am looking at. Certain things about the relationship that had gone awry are better left unsaid. That said, we are still friends (or so we claim). I have come to realise, if I am called to remain a singleton, then so be it - I am cool with it. Because I am secure in Him, and there are values that I will not compromise on. And I am ok....life goes on =)